


Just Okay

by BBK



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Anger, Fear, Loneliness, Mentions of Derek - Freeform, Pain, Regret, Stiles being Stiles, Stiles' alone thoughts, mentions of Scott - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 03:19:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5811691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BBK/pseuds/BBK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles is okay..<br/>But that's the problem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Okay

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Thanks for potentially reading? Lol, I wrote this listening to the song White Noise by PVRIS. It's a cool song so I guess if you want to understand how I felt when I wrote this listen to it. :)

Stiles is 100% okay. 

He's been okay for awhile now. Never happy, sad, angry, or disgusted.. Just okay. Stiles doesn't mind lacking emotion, it seems like nowadays that's the only thing he does; lack emotion. 

Papa Stilinski always tries to cheer him up and Stiles feels  _bad_ about it. Papa Stilinski probably thinks his son's lack of anything is because of him always working and that definitely was not the case.

Stiles didn't want his dad to think  _anything_ was his fault, which is why Stiles always smiles. You'll always find Stiles smiling and doing something stupid to lighten the mood. It always works. Always. But his smiles weren't true. Stiles was suffocating. 

 

Stiles knows he shouldn't be faking his emotions, hiding his true self, and trying to be someone who he isn't. But honestly, it's not that easy. Okay?

Stiles is in constant competition with his inner demons and his thoughts of doubt cloud everything else. Stiles used to think that he could never be happy, that he'd always be  _okay_. He never expected someone like Derek Hale to walk into his life and actually show him other feelings. Sure they weren't  _positive_ emotions but they were  _something_ other than 'okay.' Derek broke Stiles, tore him down, and crushed him. It was addicting. 

The thought of someone tearing Stiles apart thrilled him. It wasn't healthy. These thoughts just weren't healthy. But at this point, Stiles had been pushed to his breaking point and nothing really mattered. Stiles would take pain over 'okay' any day. He was so used to the tasteless world that he was born into and believed he was ready for heartbreak. Who the hell  _wants_ to be broken? Torn apart? Vulnerable? Apparently Stiles. 

His bedroom was so cold and empty and all he really wanted was for Derek to come in and hit him- tear him apart like prey and leave him for dead. It wasn't always like this with Derek though. Oh no, he and Derek shared some rather suggestive moments together. Derek was sex walking on two legs and Stiles noticed. Who wouldn't? Stiles never approached Derek though, he didn't have the courage. 

But Stiles' lack of confidence definitely didn't stop him from 'stumbling' into Derek. And well, things went from there. 

 

 That same night had been unfathomable. Stiles involuntarily grinned at the poisonous thought of Derek. Derek had touched Stiles in so many ways Stiles didn't know he could be touched. Derek had  _ignited_  Stiles' skin with his fingers. It burnt Stiles and he just knew he chose the wrong guy but in that moment, everything was different.. And that's all Stiles ever wanted! Something different. It didn't matter if he got hurt along the way, he was just sick of static voices. His own voice? A static scream.

Stiles never thought he'd fall for Derek, thought whatever they 'had' was a joke and those new emotions would leave just as fast as they came. It didn't work out that way.

Stiles wasn't prepared to be thrown into a sea of new found emotions and be expected to express them properly. He just couldn't do that. Sometimes, when he's drunk, he'll truly think about his 'love' for Derek, and wonders if his feelings of affection is really just a sick obsession. 

Stiles wanted to know everything about Derek after their one night stand and insisted on thinking about him too. Stiles was scaring himself but he couldn't stop. He can never stop. 

 

Stiles has tried to start up a conversation with him but Derek is way out of his league. Derek has confidence, charm, wit, and a body. Stiles? Well Stiles has sarcasm, stupidity, anxiety, no confidence, and is lanky. Do you see the problem? Fuck, Stiles doesn't even think Derek is  _gay._  Did he forget to mention Derek was drunk during their one night stand? They were both out of it but Derek was worse. 

Stiles is suffocating in his own mind and he knows this isn't going to end well. He has to deal with seeing Derek out every week with a new girl, kissing her, caressing her, loving her in every single way Stiles wants to be. 

 

Stiles hasn't slept in weeks and hasn't shown up to school either. Scott is becoming increasingly worried about his best friend, but Stiles doesn't want to reassure him. He doesn't want to reassure anyone! Not anymore. Stiles was okay before but now he's broken. Yes, Derek is addicting but being broken is  _murdering_ him. Stiles loves Derek, loves the thrill of Derek's presence, but he doesn't love being ignored. Doesn't love that everything is, and forever will be, one sided. 

Stiles want to  _ravage_ Derek's feelings too. He wants to destroy Derek, make him nothing worth keeping. He wants Derek to cry every single time he sees Stiles. Wants them both to rip each other apart just so they could save each other again.

 

Stiles is insane, but what else can you expect from a guy who only hears his own thoughts?

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave comments and reviews! :*


End file.
